CHAPTER NINETEEN

Today is a holiday,
I stay at home - rest .

The most "special" thing when I'm at home is ..................
Guess what ?

I don't need to put on alarm :/
Yes! You are right.
Ma mum is the natural-alarm- no snooze-nothing .
Accurate & sensible !

It was about 10.30+ + ,
but
I still feel wanna sleep :O
Have to wake up no matter what,
Kalau tak,
 nanti mummy merajuk ehh ~


She bought me "roti canai" as breakfast.
Thank you , Mummy!
I have longed to eat it too actually ! haahha

One of the most delicious food on Earth ~

I have this with a glass of plain water.
I wished I could get "mamak teh-tarik" right now.
It woud be super-good !

Then, I'd tried to do some revision on Economics
not because of I'm hardworking,
but BECAUSE................
the trial exam is just around the corner ! oppss!!

Actually, I've set a goal to be made,
Just not sure I could or not to make it to the top ~
A very hard dedication and lots of struggle needed :(
but,
nothing comes easy, right ?

I'm doing revision on Chapter6 (Inflation).
Though I'm studing UK and other countries' inflation.

However, I would like to share with you guys about the Malaysia Inflation Rate as well.
From 2005 until 2010, the average inflation rate in Malaysia was 2.77% reaching an historical high of 8.50% in July of 2008 and a record low of -2.40% in July of 2009.

The latest update was >>The inflation rate in Malaysia was last reported at 3.1% in July of 2011.

Inflation rate refers to a general rise in prices measured against a standard level of purchasing power. The most well known measures of Inflation are the CPI which measures consumer prices, and the GDP deflator, which measures inflation in the whole of the domestic economy. 

The impact is about 3/5 stars rating.

 For more updates, check back the latest inflation rate which will be release at September21st~


Stop here for the inflation rate til the incoming update ~

It will be 3days more so I can meet my HIM.
For the worst thing I've ever said and repeated again&again was 
I do miss CCK♥

It was so so not normal to be without HIM by myside.
But, it's okay ~
as HE promised me to send me at least a picture everyday. 
Such a good good good "Cessar" :)
Please, I'm not that kinda human-magnet that always stick to boyfriend kay!
I'm just being caring ^^
And......."Cessar" don't angry me kay? for posting this out.

Byhere, hope that HE is fine. (happy+healthy+fatty)

While blogging, 
I'm waiting for my Lunch!! Hungry**


Let me intoduce my simple X delicious
Lunch's Yummy Menu >> No.1 Ayamas Black Pepper Crispy Fried Chicken !!

The breading is coated with premium quality black pepper corns and premium quality chicken meat is well marinated with world famous black pepper corns from Sarawak. Contains no preservatives, Trans fat or MSG. It gives an authentic peppery flavor and will spice up your palate.

This is how the packaging looks like.

850 gm

RM 11.99 

See..crispy....krunch*krunch**

>> No.2 Sambal Kerang Mak Soon 

(ignore the name-cuz' especially created due to ma mum's dish)

 I would like to share its recipe (just 5simple steps) with you guys but in malay version cuz' it would be easier for me to explain.. Sorry :) 

Resipi Sambal Kerang

Bahan-bahan ( 2-3orang)

• 1 mangkuk kerang yang telah direbus dan buang kulitnya
• 1/2 biji bawang besar dikisar
• 3 ulas bawang putih dikisar
• sedikit belacan
• sedikit air asam jawa
• 3 sudu besar sos tomato
• 1/2 biji bawang besar dimayang
• 2 sudu besar cili giling
• garam dan gula secukupnya
• sedikit minyak untuk tumis

Cara-cara

1. tumis bawang putih dan bawang besar yang dikisar sampai wangi.
2. masukkan cili giling dan belacan
3. masukkan air asam jawa, sos tomato, garam dan gula.
4. masak sampai kuah agak likat dan masukkan kerang serta bawang yang dimayang.
5. biarkan seketika sampai bawang layu.. sedap dimakan bersama nasi atau nasi lemak 

>> No.3 Fresh Cucumber 

Fresh cucumber with some sliced onions &other ingredients (not so like it)

Hmmm....what should I say ...
Well, although just a few dishes, and although they are simple,
But they are really easy to prepare and nice to eat too XD (self-compliment).


Dinner time; we are so lazy to go out to dine and were terribly head-ache of what to eat,
so, mummy cook again. (simpleXyummy)
Dinner Menu : >> Sardine Fish 

Eat sardine MUST choose Ayam Brand !!

This is how it looks like :)

>> Another species of lala (don't know the exact name)

>>vegetable same like cucumber, but not cucumber

That's all for dinner ~
Suddenly, I feel so inspirational of telling myself
"When I feel like giving up,I  remember why I held on for so long in the first place"

 (It is all about my goals & mission)

That's all for today ~ 

But before I go, I would like to say; "I miss my CK"..

Hope He read this :P

_stay tuned til the next update_

-Andrea, 31st.August 2011-

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Hi, it has been such a long time I didn't blog due laziness :S

Well, today is a very special day >>Hari Merdeka (54th)

So, I would like to wish every Malaysian citizen "Selamat Hari Merdeka" !!
I'm proud to be Malaysian :)

After over five decades of independence, what does that very word, MERDEKA, mean to us, the young people ?

What does Merdeka mean to you?
What do you feel when you hear the word, 'Merdeka'?
Does "freedom" ring in the same sentence?
Do you find a frisson of joy at having able to celebrate 54 years of peace, independence and unity?

All this while ,
Being almost 18,
Merdeka simply means to me that we have achieved independence and freedom from a foreign power.
It must have been such a long way for the past "wira bangsa" to fight and protect against enemies and thus, bring this on til today.

Merdeka has a significant meaning in my life.
It is not only what content in the history we study in textbooks in past few years.
Sadly, not much of us, young people appreciate or even aware what is the true meaning behind all this while - MERDEKA.
What does young people today know is just to admire other countries' well-being , and stepped on own country's part.

The word Merdeka holds not only the memory of freedom for our country, but it reminds us of our roots, of our ability to be united and harmonious.

The most important is NOT to be racist.
No matter what races, religion, ethics, languages spoken and skin color,
WE should stand together as a whole - 1 Malaysia.

But, however, Merdeka, sadly, has recently lost its meaning for me. It's unfortunate that I now view it as a kind of holiday, to distress or to relax. Perhaps the reason is the big 'HOORAY' that has been made of it had disappear.

When I'm lil,
it was an excited thing when MERDEKA day came,
I used to countdown a night before and waited in front of the TV ,
Just to see the news popping out.

In school, we used to celebrate this day to the full.
We sang so many patriotic songs,
waved the flags here and there,
wore "Jalur Gemilang"'s shirt,caps,
made our own badge, and
the one
I remembered the most
was decorate the class.

SUPER-AWESOME !!

I wouldn't go back to the past to sing patriotic songs at school with friends anymore.
What I can do is,
bathroom-K-ok :P

MERDEKA!!


_stay tuned til the next blog_

-Andrea, 31st.August 2011-

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Today I wake up quite early at 6.30am
I went for the Psychology and Economics class..

Then I met Bii at the mall :)
*the most happiest moment

Suddenly...........
turns sorrow

He was not happy with the lunch I think - Hainan Chicken Rice
Suddenly, I felt He doesn't care about me
He walked across the road, walked so fast,
without looking back,
where I am
But I still following Him from the back
coz' I know
I have to be with Him
always
no matter what

I've cried after realize that when I walked away from Him
telling Him that I'm done with Him
I can't stand anymore
turned the other way round

I felt so uneasy
I just need Him by my side
no matter what

In the evening, like what we promised
we met at jetty
He walked me to the waiting side of the ferry
I know I will felt hard to say goodbye there

but I have to
at the last..

He was so caring,so loving
Just my perfect CheeKian
We gonna meet after 2days more

Countdown--Countdown

Today I've came across a beautiful girl's blog
She is really pretty :)
Sigh.........
I wish that in future I will be pretty too

Can I?
I like those fair skin,
soft & smooth hair,
small and kissable lips,
thick eyebrows,
beautiful and seducing eyes
so so so so............
PRETTY

I'm wondering,
What do Bii think about me
Does He think that I'm kind, pretty , ugly or smart or
how..
But he never say anything

Deep in my heart
I know I should make a change,
a make-over
But how
I don't know

I just know
that everything will come as the time comes

See ya til the next blog :)

CHAPTER SIXTHTEEN

Today is an ordinary day.
But I do feel uneasy today...
Just when I called Him, He did not answer my call.
I’m so anxious, worried.
Am I over care about Him?
Sometimes I might think I’m doing something over than it should be.
Things don’t always turn up the way we want it to be.
Or in another way – the more we give, the more we might get disappoint.
I think it is human nature.
I think I should learn to love myself more, thus to protect myself.
What will be will be, right?
I get a nap-mare today.
The scenes were so scary.
I just don’t wanna get through it, I hope.
What will be, will be.
With no doubt and realization,
We have shared >>
139days, 3336hours, 200160minutes, 12009600seconds.
TOGETHER…….
We together is a blessed fate.
Honestly, I hope to grow old with Him. 


-Andrea,19th May 2011-

CHAPTER FIFTHTEEN

-The 5th day of college life-

Everything started to be changing at the first step of mine to this new place in Penang island
to a place that seems quite familiar to me,
but now
it get more and more close to me
On the last 12th June, Sun,
I move into the college's hostel
Before this,
I always wondering how is it like to live outside,
on my own,
living my own live,
perhaps to have more and more freedom..
However,
when the day came,
I felt I started to regret that I wanted it so much before this

Honestly,
I started to miss home,
Daddy,
Mummy,
Brother,
My bed,
Mummy's cook,
and
lots
lots things that I used to do before when I'm used to be at home

The course orientation started very awkwardly,
seriously to say
I'm quite shy and scared
However, I did pushed myself to go through it
because as mummy said,
No one knows me there,
I have to change my character.
to be more talkative, initiative, good for sure..

I don't know much..
I don't like to have so much pressure here..
I prefer it to be more light, relax and fun
well....college life, isn't it?

Time passes very fast,
today is Friday,
perfectly close to weekend
I'm going home later
to visit my family
as the first reason :)
I feel truly happy
the first feeling I felt
the day I'm waiting for..

Home Sweet Home

_Andrea_ Friday,17thJune2011

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

It has been awhile I didn't update the blog.
I've been so much in these days,
Life is so tough,
I feel like wanna run away from everything and stay in a deserted place..

Maybe that would make me more better,
but.........
there's something behind - deep inside my heart that I am holding on.
Too much..

Am I in relationship ?
Or am I just a burden for Him?
Why He always complain about me?

Am I not good enough ?
He never praise me, even a word....

I used to be confident in front most of people, but
in front of Him, I lose it..
I become timid,
I feel so small,
so timid..
The feeling is not that good at all..

Today we argue because of past things..

I'm just like, Oh God, How long could I keep holding on being like this ?
Being untrusted..
Struggle alone..
Suddenly I feel so empty inside!

I wanna let Him to know, I need Him..
I don't wanna waste my time, I want Him to be my Mr.Right..

I wanna tell Him what's in my mind, before it's too late

_to be continued_

-Andrea, 12th May 2011-

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Countdown 0Day

Weehee..today We met..
went for a date..
not bad I could said, but we did argue :(
But it's okay..at least we can be together,
it would be more than enough.

Life ain't always come the way we want it to be

-Andrea, 29th April 2011-

CHAPTER TWELVE

Countdown 5Days

I was on the phone with Mickey like we used to be..
But,
The different was -
Already TWO days, He asked me to sing Him a song..
Just a simple one..
But, I'm too shy =(
He was so upset.. That even a simple task like that, I can't fulfil Him..
The first song I sang was "My Heart Will Take You Home"..
He like it!

Today, as what I promised Him;
I will sing Him one =)
I am so nervous right now..
I hope He won't laugh me.......

_to-be-continued_

-Andrea,24th April 2011-

CHAPTER ELEVEN

COUNTDOWN 10DAYS

Everything going quite well today..

But there's something bothering my mind..
I get nightmare again..
The second time~

Today I feel kind of tired..
I'm started to feel tired of faking smile but deep in the bottom of my heart, I'm crying..

I keep telling myself to be strong..
Mickey want me to be so....
But I'm doing really hard...........
I already trying my very best..
Do He knows ?

I'm used to be a very strong and tough one, but when I'm facing Mickey, I started to become weak~

I tell myself not to be so..I want His attention, although He's not that every time..
I'm changing, improving my attitude..
I'm no longer that little princess..
I want to be the CHONG CHEE KIAN's "little woman" !!

I will be.....

I know It's not gonna be easy!
It's going to be really hard..
We gonna have to work at this every day but I want to do that because I want you, babe!
I want all of you everyday, forever..
You & Me every day
Just Us Two .......

Babe, 我任不住了。。
我很想哭。。
是我太依赖你了。。

Every time the stronger I wanna be, the more empty my heart will be..
I need you understand me..I want you care me more..
I need your attention..

But I can't be selfish..
So, I end up this way,
locking myself this way..

I rather sad myself than to burden you..
I know you don't like to be stress or burden..
So, I should sacrifice, I'll be more independent..

But I hope ..
I beg....If one day I can't take it anymore and cry,
Hope you won't angry me..

I want you to be happy, then, it's worth..
Everything is worth..

And again I want to tell you so much that I miss you!!
But I didn't tell you in the phone,
coz I scared you will bored..
I didn't do so..
I'm really down..
I didn't tell..
I will get over it myself
Don't worry me
But it's really killing me!

I wish you would speak before I did..

Even though sometimes I know you miss me,
but i NEED you to say it to me
I need to hear it
It would make me more happy and concern
Really.....It would.

Give me some time....
I truly love you..
Just You..

That's all for today..

Goodnight, Mickey..
From the _SadMinnie_

-Andrea, 20th April 2011-

CHAPTER TEN

COUNTDOWN 11DAYS

Nothing much today..
Went for car driving lesson.. -Perfectly well-

I be with Him for about 107days already..
Sometimes I really hope He would be more sensible..
or it's me being too sensitive ?

I hope He could know that I do really miss Him..
I wish to tell Him this every time..
But I insist not to~

I miss Chong Chee Kian 107days today..
It's killing me..
Liking someone is so tough~

That's it for now..

Goodnight, Babe~

-Andrea,19th April 2011-

CHAPTER NINE

Countdown 12Days
Today things went quite well.

No idea what to write.

Mickey is good too today =)

Thought of wanna dedicate this song to Him ..

梁静茹 - 暖暖

都可以随便的
你说的我都愿意去
小火车摆动的旋律

都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你

细腻的喜欢
毛毯般的厚重感
晒过太阳熟悉的安全感
分享的汤

我们两支汤匙一个碗
左心房暖暖的好保暖
我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
真心的对我好
不要求回报
爱一个人希望他过更好
打从心里暖暖的
你比自己更重要

都可以随便的
你说的我都愿意去
回忆里满足的旋律

都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你
细腻的喜欢
你手掌的厚实感
什么困难都觉得有希望
我哼着歌
你自然的就接下一段
我知道暖暖就在胸膛
我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
真心的对我好
不要求回报
爱一个人希望他过更好
打从心里暖暖的
你比自己更重要

我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
从来都很低调
自信心不高
爱一个人希望他过更好
打从心里暖暖的
你比自己更重要
我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
真心的对我好
不要求回报
爱一个人希望他过更好
打从心里暖暖的
你比自己更重要

我也希望变更好
lalalalala~~~~`



Actually not yet.. He scolded me..again I'm down.. =(
Forget it ~
Life is so tough sometimes...

CHAPTER EIGHT

Countdown From 13days

Today I woke up early, about 7something.

Yesterday I slept with mummy in the same room, so this morning she woke me up. We went for breakfast and morning market together.

I know she likes very much I accompany her to the town. I do enjoy the time we spent together so much, even though just watch tv together. I’m sure she do enjoy too.

I bet, both of us would really miss the moment that we spend together after I go for college.

Today things thoroughly went quite fine. Unexpectedly, Mickey came to meet me very early today. Earlier than ever. He called me and told that he had finished his work.

Least than 8minutes, He arrived.

The first thing I saw was the smile on His face. Each and every time is that bright and would actually makes me happy too.

Guess what ? I actually miss Him.

The first thing that came to my mind when I opened up my eyes was Him.

I straight away woke and grabbed my phone – checked if He leave me any message.

He is an active guy – I would say. He does give me surprise every time we be together. I didn’t realize any of them before the actions.

I feel comfortably secure when He hold me in His arms. – lying on Him is the greatest thing ever.
Honestly, I get so upset every time when we hang out in public. It seems as He scare what people around us would think and say when see us dating. I thought everything would be just normal and ordinary – just like other couples dating each other.
Maybe He was not that ready yet. But I do really feel the awkward and the “cold” feeling between us. I asked Him if He does care what other people might think about us dating. Disappointedly, He answered a Yes for that.
I do have expected it when I refer the question to Him.

When we went for the movie, my tears do really about to come out. I kept and control them very well. Tears just almost but didn’t rolled down at my cheeks.
Even we sat next to each other, He just didn’t dare. He makes me feel like we are just two friends went for movie. Sometimes I will asked myself, “Why He is so scare, mind and care what others might think or say about us?!!”
This question pop out in my head times after times. I almost cry every time I thought of it.
There were three couples sat in the row in front of us. I saw the boy was very close to the girl. Each couple of them did so. Why there’s a line between He and me……

He is the first guy that I ever have a proper date with. But why I felt down and disappointed ?
I did not ask for hold hands or what so ever dating manners. I just want He does something to show that He cares me. I could feel with my sixth sense very well if He does. But He did not. I am very sure.
When I kept silent, He asked me why. He knew what’s in my mind. He just doesn’t go for it.
I felt so sorry I can’t be the girl that He would feel proud to date with in the public.
I am just an ordinary girl.

But what He wants is a perfect girl – mature, beautiful, pretty with fair skin, the attitude type. I don’t know if I do have all that He wants.
What I know, I do have a 100% heart that beats every seconds, every minutes, when loving Him.
Before this, I always thought that in love was something very sweet and happy.
But when I truly loving Him, I felt loving someone is a very tough thing to do in the entire world.

I change my attitude, my habit, I had turned into a very calm person. I’m no longer the little princess, the girl who will always want others to follow what she wants. Either me, myself couldn’t believe that I would let Him rule me. Loving Him sometimes ache me. It hurts deep inside my heart.

But in the bottom of my broken heart, I do feel the happiness loving Him. It is always that sweet. He is indeed very sweet too.

Two more weeks will be the fourth month we be together. Nowadays, we no longer chat that much like before. I know I can’t be selfish. Both of us have our things to do. Even not me, is Him.
When He is not with me, I feel so unsecure. I’m so scared of being alone without Him. I become anxious – worried.

But till now I hope………….

Maybe we need just a little more time, time that can heals what’s been on your mind,
we can find what we’ve lost before all that slips away, we need time to mend from the mistakes we made.
God only knows what my heart can survive, so many tears from all the pain in my life, and where else we can go after that we’ve been through, I still believe my life is right here with you,

so just hold on………until it won’t take long. I hope you can learn to love me that the pain is gone. Don’t wanna still fall through the crack of my broken heart.

I still believe my life is right here with you.

From the youngest years to the moment here…………..the US now..
From the skies above, to the deepest love, I’ve never felt crazy like this before.
I hope to get the best of you.

Around the world, then I met you boy.
I don’t know, but I know it when I first met you.
Since you came into my life, the days before all fade to black and white, since you came to my life, everything has change.

Boy, listen here! I would give you the very last chance that will be on our 6th month anniversary to figure this out and change. I want you to date me properly. For the very first time.
The most important is I want you to be the first-rate of yourself, not letting others to be the first-rate of you and me.

It doesn’t matter what others might think and say. Just let them be. We didn’t do anything wrong. Yet, they don’t have right to judge us because we are who we are. From the very first day till now.
SERIOUSLY, I HOPE NEXT TIME YOU WON’T GIVE A DAMN OF WHAT THE PUBLIC MIGHT THINK! I
I hope this so much……it’s killing me now.

11.30pm – you called me, but I did not pick up.
Then I get your message, “When can I call you?”
I replied; “You need to do so? Or just you think I need to hear your voice so much as you guess I will miss you?”

I felt so upset, that makes me just wanna hold you and slap you; telling you what I think.
I’m tired of keeping to myself. Telling no one.
Yea! I just know cry when I’m sad. This is how I express myself.
You don’t like I cry. So, I won’t let you know I’m sad, I cry.
Because…………….you’ll never know – never understand…
What I will do is just hide in my room and cry…..or maybe cry till I fall asleep……or listening to my favorite love song and force myself not to cry.
I am not weak like you think.
I am very strong in front of the people around me, - Just weak when I’m facing you.
I become very weak, breathless.

And when I’m done, I settle down my own emotion, I’ll back to you.
I’ll talk to you….
But don’t misunderstand me, I’m a happier person then.
Not you make me sad, just me………..the problem is on me.
I take it too seriously.
I don’t wanna fool myself again.
I don’t wanna lose you.
The only thing that I always forget to tell you is…..and the thing
I hope you know is……….how much I appreciate you – how much I do adore you – how much I treasure you – how much I care every single word you say – the moment we spend together.

Every time when I’m sad or what so ever that I couldn’t tell you, I would write to myself here, in this Blog Spot. I feel fine now.
Do not hesitate, do not worry.
I’m totally fine. I’ve promise you to be a strong and brave one.
I wouldn’t cry….even though my heart is crying now.

As conclusion, I heal myself, I cure myself, I do endure it.

At least for tonight………………

What I want……………
What I hope………………
What I wish upon the moon and stars up the skies tonight…………………….

Is…….

You and Me, Just the Two of Us.

Goodnight. With lots of love – to my babe.

-Andrea,18th April 2011-

CHAPTER SEVEN PART II

Inspiration

It’s so strange – life.

Why some people are born and do nothing but suffer their whole lives. Poverty, pain, whatever the case is. And some people grow up with a life of luxury. I don’t have a perfect life, but there’s nothing I would change.

I wish I could sit here and say I thank God every day for my blessings, but that would not be enough. I don’t thank God nearly enough.

When I think of people who are blind, I can’t imagine going a day without seeing the sun come in through my window, or not being able to look into people’s eyes when they speak.

And then when I think of people who are deaf, I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to not hear Chee Kian call me, or his sweet voice whispering, “Baby, I love you.”

I’m so very blessed and I think most of us tend to take our blessings for granted. Of course,
I wish some things were different.

I wish I could weigh a little less, be a tad bit prettier, and have the latest clothes and the hippest music.

I wish I could read people’s mind by looking at them.

I wish I could let Mummy hug me once in a while.

But unfortunately, we don’t always get what we wish for and I’m more than willing to settle for what I have.

Tonight, when I go to bed, I think I’ll let Daddy and Mummy hug me and I’ll tell them I love them. And I’ll try to go to bed a little earlier, so maybe I won’t be so tired.

And tomorrow, I’ll eat a little healthier, I’ll do my hair nice, take good care of my skin better and I’ll do every house chores on my own. I’ll listen to my favorite music and sing out loud

And I’ll look in the mirror and tell myself that I am beautiful. I’ll be more kind to others and to look in people’s eyes a little deeper than usual.

After all, I have only one life to live, so I better make it good. And about this whole inspiration thing, if life itself isn’t something to celebrate, I don’t know what is.

“This is Me, being grateful…”
-Andrea, 15th April 2011-

CHAPTER SEVEN PART I

Quote of the day;
“All of us are lying in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars.”– Oscar Wilde

BE GRATEFUL

It is very easy to get caught up in thinking about all the things I don’t have.
I wish for a romantic relationship.
I wish I am popular.
I wish I am lovely, adorable.
I wish that my parents would have buy me a car for my seventeenth birthday.

I waste an enormous amount of energy thinking about how much better things would be, if only.
If only I was taller. If only I was prettier, or thinner. If only my hair would grow longer. If only school was easier, or more fun, or nonexistent. If only I would have publish a book written by me, myself. If only I would be able to sing in from of thousands of audience. If only I would have enough money to explore the whole world. If only I would have a very close girl friend that I could hang out together with, shopping together, share our love stories, our problem.

But, I till now………..I never had any.

When I spend all of my time thinking about what I don’t have, I feel sad. When I spend time feeling grateful for the things I do have, I feel better.

It really is that simple. Gratitude is a natural antidepressant.

Sometimes when I am feeling down and a bit less than grateful, I will make a list, either in me head or on paper or even look myself in the mirror, of all the things I have to be thankful for. It takes only a few minutes, and it completely changes my mood.

Life treats me differently when I approach it from a grateful place. Starting and ending each day thinking about the things I am grateful for will improve my attitude and my life.

When a person thanks me for doing a favor for her, for helping her through a hard time, or for just being me, it makes me feel great. So when I am making my gratitude list, I’ll make sure my name is on it.

I’ll remember to be grateful for my abilities, for my personality, and most of all, I am grateful that I am who I am.

_to be continued_

-Andrea, 15th April 2011-

CHAPTER SIX

                        MY BABY – MY MICKEY

[On Previous Chapter]... And spiritual and passionate, warm and romantic …

And He is the kind of man that if I’m at the supermarket together with and I go off to get something and I lose Him… I get nervous and I start searching for Him in the aisles, until suddenly, right in the middle of the sea of trolleys, I see Him. And only Him. Because although He’s surrounded by lots of other men with their trolleys, it’s as if they simply don’t exist.

The Italians have a word for it, un colpo di fulmine. It just hits me and wham, thunderbolt city.

I’m certain that I’ve found the one. This is when I’ve bumped into my Mickey, it suddenly just feel so right.

More than a feeling ? It looks like there could finally be something wonderful between him and me. Sometimes I might think is it really worth risking everything for?

I really have no idea. I’ve never think of it.

But one thing for sure – as the radio plays its late-night love songs – there’s one girl here is about and already had find out that the best lines can sometimes be the ones I write myself………….

While still listening to the music, for a sudden, I trail off in my dreamy reverie. And quickly comes back down to earth. Yes. I miss Him right now. I am so desperate to tell Him how much I do miss Him every time when He phones me. The feeling is killing me. I insist not to tell Him about this because I know if do so, no matter how strong His feeling is, I’m afraid that one day He will feel bored and sense of care will reduce. So, I hope my decision not to tell would make a better us.

To be honest, I’m not sure what He’s like. I have no idea what my prince’s like. But, there’s one point that I’m really sure of - I’ll definitely know it’s Him when I meet Him.

I don’t know and I’ve never made any line or condition on how my prince would be. Or in another clear meaning – I’ve never thought of how my ideal soul mate will be.

To the one reading; and so will you, won’t you?

Now I thought of a song that suits this part – “Hello” by Lionel Ritchie.

And remember; ‘Don’t waste another minute as love waits for no one … ’

As listening to Lionel Ritchie’s velvety voice croons over the airwaves, I’m Wondering if you’re thinking of your beloved now while reading this,

Wondering how and what your soul mate’s like,

Wondering a young girl fall in love with a young boy - be together through every obstacles – married – have family and kids, and even surrounded by grandchildren,

Wondering if some middle-aged couple would gaze lovingly at each other, hug each other even tighter and

Wondering if some couple would grow old together, with till their hairs turn white but yet, holding hands walking together by the beach and spend the rest of their lives together.

Yet………….readers, are you there wondering what on earth that had possessed me to write all these in this chapter and share on what I think, imagine and feel to an audience of public that might view this BlogSpot and ask you to sort out my love life?

And here……………….I hope.

See ya till the next chapter to be updated.

                                                         -Andrea,14th. April 2011-

Quote of the day ; “ Sometimes even to live is an act of courage”-Seneca

CHAPTER FIVE

                                    PROLOGUE

It’s past midnight. Dark and drizzly. I used to listen to the midnight radio channel. As the music takes place, I loved to glance back and started to think and imagine – sometimes they were things that out of my based line and they were usually pop out in an abnormal way – on the perspective of others.

A situation strikes my mind. Here it comes across the length and breadth of the capital traffic-choked roads are eerily empty, thronging high streets and the shelter under bridges have turned into a lane for the homeless, and tucked snugly away in a million bedrooms, under a million duvet, millions of Malaysians are sleeping, snoring, dreaming.

Most, but not all.

In the other side of social world – the dark side, millions of people are socializing in the millions of nightclubs in the country. They are used to call as the “night-ghosts”. Tones of beers, lots of flirting cases, DJs play their parts, scratching the turntablis, entertaining the clubbers.  
A part of Malaysians, but not all.

Different people, different places, different lives. And one connection. A radio. An FM frequency. And the fact they’re all listening to the same show somehow.

The song entitled, “Cry on My Shoulder” is faded out as the DJ strikes up.

It seems as if I’ve had been doing pretty tough recently. Yes…sort of.. With sympathetic emotions, I started describe myself – to myself.

Well, I suppose I’m rather a strong one. I thought I had went through much tough times. Falling into pieces and then rise again after recovering, meeting lots of different and interesting people as I grew elder. I also learn to judge by myself what is wrong and what is right.

A part wistfully, part lovingly.

Honestly, at first, I had no confidence in looking for a special someone. Perhaps, I never thought that I would accept one in future. Unable to hide the disbelief in myself, I’m actually scared being in relationship. Love might be sweet, but it also might cause in broken-heart when the one you love hurts you.

However, meeting Mickey makes me an attempt to match my level of enthusiasm and then breaks off, dumping my phobia away.

That’s a relief because no one would believe the past one I had, it was a total disaster. It was actually making me not to mention about that nightmare anymore but as I think back again, it was kind of childish. It was just the most idiot thing I had ever done in my life.

Listening to the lonely hearts radio show makes me believe in destiny, in fate, in the miracle of the universe. I believe we have no control over love. Either it’s going to happen or it’s not...

Malaysian’s full of single people searching for that special someone.

That’s how I met Mickey. How should I describe Him – my soul mate?

Well, I don’t know until I’ve met Him, do I?

We both knew this unexpected one might have hurt or others would be rejected but we have no control over it. If we could make no one getting hurt, we would. I am always doing the best I can; if I could do better, I surely would. And when I can, I surely will.

Being with Mickey is not about to fix the broken heart of mine as I’ve really really totally recovered just before I be with Him.

Again... How should I describe Him ?

Okay, well let’s see... He is funny, and kind, faithful..

Of course..These are needed being all matey.
...and spiritual, passionate, warm, and romantic...

However, sometimes, He was not that sensible on certain things, for example how I might feel, what I will think, or how am I gonna react. But it’s okay because what comes sometimes doesn’t in the perfect package we want it to be.

Nobody is perfect.
                                   _to be continued_
                                                        -Andrea,13th April 2011-

CHAPTER FOUR

How Minnie Met Mickey ?

After taking one year and a half time to recover from the broken-hearted relationship, here in this unexpected trip with a friend of mine had pretty changed a part of my life. I am not that lonely anymore. This is when I met Him – that I call Him my baby.

In that trip, I used to be a very silent girl not more or less like an “alien” in the whole bunch of people. Not more than two or three people that knew me or even heard my name before. They might obviously or not been observing me through the trip. I don’t really care what others think of me but I am pretty glad to know some new friends there. At the same time and here the time passes by, honestly , I have been observing a guy. It did not happen as I wish to, but it happens naturally and pretty much out of my realization. I did not get to know his name until I came back from that trip. I started to feel the attraction from him even though He did not do anything purposely to catch my attention. Sometimes I might have tried to get near to Him so that we could talk or maybe slightly “bumped” into Him. Unfortunately, He seems like trying to get away whenever I get near to Him. I don’t know why. That made me felt like I am disgusted Him or I thought He might disliked me perhaps. It’s okay ! I don’t give a damn.

And I start to draw me attention towards Him away. A kind of frustrated feeling suddenly pop out in my mind. However, who knows, He talked to me for the first time. The first sentence that come out from his mouth was “Do you want to eat?”. I am damn shocked that time so I shake my head as a reply to Him. My heart suddenly beats very fast as that I could hardly hold my breathe in a second. It was like ……WoHooOOOOO!!! Man, He talked to me!! Haha.. I have a great feeling that I want to know this guy more. I don’t have this kind of feelings for more than two years ago. This kind of stroked-heart case happens again. At the first night of my trip, I am kind of – not really bored. So, I had text Nic, a friend of mine to chat, in case he might know what I can do. He told me the guys in the trip are his friend and he had asked me to choose if there is my Mr. Right, who knows? Loll...I still remembered that I replied him with extreme energy! “No! Never ever! They are not my type”. This is how I told him. Well, it seems I had another way round. I am actually falling in love with one of the guy in that bunch. What goes around comes around. Then I asked Nic for a late friend of mine in the past few years in my middle school that we had been tuition together for a period of time. I used to name him, Hi-Ta-Chi. I felt it was fun to get to know him back again as he was lying in front of me at that moment. I’m kind of bored so I text him and he replied but guess what? He had forgotten me. Well. Some people are pretty absent-minded. They might have perhaps don’t even remember what they ate in the past few days. Nothing much that we had chat. The second day I came back from that “unexpected trip”, I text Mr.Hi-Ta-Chi. I wanted to get a guy’s cell phone number which is now that I called my babe. Who knows? When I’m asking for the number thing, my babe was actually beside him. It makes me LoL until now. Jeez… The most embarrass thing in my book of record! Well, forget it! I still can keep my “thick” face for that. Just for you, my babe. X.O.X.O.

I also added Him on the social network – Facebook! Our story had much “blossom” on the net actually. Thanks Facebook! But..Not every guy in the social network can be trusted. Mine is “special case”! hahaha! I don’t use to know new friends on the net unless I know his/her friend. It is extremely dangerous because we can’t predict what might happen to us and what kind of act people nowadays might do to harm us. Conclusion, the most important is SAFETY FIRST!! We should love ourselves more! No one else can protect us at the first place except ourselves!

Then , we chat like what other ordinary new-friends did. However, at that time, I’m getting this kind of clue that I want Him to be more than my BFF. The feeling is just totally different. I can’t describe them in words. If I could, then I would. Thinking about the end of December was just around the corner made me feel lame. One day in the last week of the month, I have come out with an idea to make my holiday to be more exciting and fulfill. Well, what I meant was not about going for a vacation, camping, hiking, shopping, or a trip again …..but it was a working-month plan. Sounds great isn’t it ?? But ….It wasn’t that great as it was to be except for the moment when my love story began in that working-month plan. I need companion to do the working together. It would be bored and dull if I did them alone. So, I have asked and persuade it to some of my friends. I have also asked my babe if He wants to work anyway. He was finding a job too at the moment and maybe because of that, He agrees to consider about the job I’ve told Him. At first, I thought that the plan might fail but somehow, it turned out the way it should be. Just FOUR of US ! and I’m the only flower among the bugs. I hope you guys won’t mind that I have been describing you like that. Well, I don’t mind if I am the only girl. I never thought of it till the day we went for the interview. I still remembered what I have told Mickey the night before the interview. He told me that he was kind of anxious and I told Him “天塌下来由我定”. I realized that He was the first guy that I used this kind of words on. Till now I still love to use it. – Just towards Him.

But before that, FIRST = the transport to the interview place was a problem. I have almost turned out to cancel off the interview because I really can’t get anyone to bring us there. It was the eleventh o’clock. However, at this moment, I have learnt some value. Friends are easy to find but to find friends in helping us when in trouble, it is damn difficult. I started text to every single numbers in my phone which I thought could help me out. I’m sweat whenever new message was sent in. With shaking, sweating hands and fast heartbeats of mine, I opened up and I get rejected one time and another. Finally, my parents found a guy to give us a ride. Luckily!

We passed the interview with flying color even we have to make choices on which job to take. It was in my expectation. I am not arrogant or what. It just that every place needs worker at the end of the month probably. Four of us had our dinner near a place named Gurney Drive, you know, with many stalls and were crowded. It was not more or less like a long air-free food court. The moment that I remember the most was the time when I was waiting for the food, only left my babe and me. He just sat nearly opposite to me at that time. I can’t see His face that clearly because the place we sat was kind of dark. He didn’t say anything but just nodded with smile towards me. I don’t even know how and what to react – just nodded back with a surprised and numbed look. Gosh! Who would know that my babe was going to look and smile at me at a sudden? You can’t blame me! No ONE! Hahah~
_to be continued_
-Andrea, 12th April 2011-

CHAPTER THREE

THE ORIGINS/BIOGRAPHY OF MICKEY & MINNIE

Mickey Mouse turns 80 years old today, and there's not a gray hair on him. Sure, he's a little rounder, a little squatter, and he's been wearing the same clothes for decades, but all in all he looks pretty good. Sure, Mickey hasn't had a movie in two years (his last one went direct-to-video), but his cheerful face remains one of the most recognizable images in the world, even beating out Santa Claus. Disney threw a big party for the mouse's 75th birthday, so this year's festivities will be comparatively subdued. But TIME has been following the adorable mouse since the beginning, and 80 years is still a big number to us.

The birth of Mickey Mouse occurred on a cross-country train ride (a four day journey) in early 1928. Walt was returning from a business meeting along with his wife. At the age of 26, and with an active cartoon studio in Hollywood, Walt had set out to arrange for a new contract for his creation, Oswald the Rabbit, but the backers turned him down. As they owned the copyright, they took control, leaving Walt with nothing. To prepare to announce the unpleasant news to workers back home, Walt gave birth to a sympathetic mouse that he first named, "Mortimer". By the end of the ride, which concluded in Los Angeles, Lillian Disney suggested to her husband that the first name was too stuffy. He was renamed, "Mickey." Walt and his head animator, Ub Iwerks, soon completed their first Mickey Mouse cartoon, "Plane Crazy." But no distributor would buy the film. Not one to quit, Walt produced a second silent Mickey Mouse cartoon, called "Gallopin' Gaucho." It was less than a year since Warner Brothers had introduced the talkies with Al Jolson as the "Jazz Singer" (late 1927). In 1928, Walt Disney began work on his third Mickey Mouse cartoon, this time a talkie, entitled, "Steamboat Willie." To add sound to the film, Walt had to take the animated portion to New York since West Coast studies did not have the equipment. The young man invested everything he had into the film, and when it was completed, Walt screened it for New York exhibitors.

Throughout the forties and fifties, Mickey continued to make cartoons, but did not appear in as many as Donald, Goofy, and Pluto. Because Mickey was the prime Disney symbol, with a typecast personality, it was difficult to create new stories for him. Fans did not appreciate seeing Mickey lose his temper or perform anything underhanded. These were better left to the perturbed Donald Duck and the unwittingly silly and emotional Goofy. In 1955, Mickey Mouse moved to Disneyland to host his own theme park, sequences often advertised on the Mickey Club show. There, the bigger than life mouse welcomed visitors, posed for pictures, and led the big parades on national holidays. In 1971, he opened the Walt Disney World Resort. 1983 saw the opening of Tokyo Disneyland, and in 1992 Disneyland Paris was created in which Mickey wore a beret.

Mickey Mouse remains a popular and well-appreciated character who served a valuable purpose by bringing generations of children and adults through the difficult times of the Depression, the War Years, and into the New Millennium. .

Minnie Mouse is an animated character created by Ub Iwerks and Walt Disney. The comic strip story "The Gleam" (published January 19-May 2, 1942) by Merrill De Maris and Floyd Gottfredson first gave her full name as Minerva Mouse. Minnie has since been a recurring alias for her. Minnie is currently voiced by actress Russi Taylor. Both Minnie and Mickey were first drawn in 1928 by Ub Iwerks.

In 1928, Walt Disney and Ub Iwerks created Mickey Mouse to act as a replacement to his previous star Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. But Mickey could not fill the void alone. Among the few consistent character traits Oswald had developed before moving on to Universal Studios was his near-constant pursuit of potential sweethearts. So for Mickey to have a chance to emulate his predecessor at flirting, someone had to replace Oswald's many love interests. This replacement to Miss Rabbit, Miss Cottontail, Fanny and an uncertain number of unnamed nurses and dancers was to become Minnie Mouse.

Minnie was designed in the fashion of a "flapper" girl. She was so probably intended to follow the trends of then-modern youth culture, such as liking the color red, in an effort to add to her audience appeal. Her main outfit usually included a feminine bowler hat with a daisy sticking out of it, white gloves and a short dress. In the 1929 cartoon The Karnival Kid it was also revealed that she wears black stockings. Her shoes are probably her most distinctive article of clothing. For comedic effect, she wears over-sized high heeled pumps that are too big for her feet. Her heels often slip out of her shoes, and she even loses her shoes completely in The Gallopin' Gaucho. When she walked or danced, the clip clop of her large pumps were usually heard clearly and often went with the rhythm of the music that was played in the background. chicken nobble soup feature was her knickers. They were often visible under her short dress during the cartoons which exposed a square patch on her rear end. Along with Mickey, she was redesigned in the 1940s. Her hat was replaced with a large bow, and bows were added to her shoes as well. Her eyes were also given more detail. Throughout the forties and fifties, her look and personality became more conservative. This can be attributed to the fact that, as a result of The Great Depression and World War II, the culture of the USA had become more conservative, and the flapper girl style was falling out of fashion.

Minnie Mouse is a Disney cartoon character. She is the queen of the Disney universe, wife of Mickey Mouse, and aunt of Mortie and Ferdy. She first appeared in "Plane Crazy", becoming a regular in the cast of original Disney characters. Most cartoons deal with Mickey doing something embarassing that cuaes Minnie to get angry at him. This is similar to what happens with Daisy and Donald Duck, only Mickey actually tries to apologize and right whatever wrong he did, unlike Donald. She is Daisy Duck's best friend. She speaks with a feminine version of Mickey's voice. She appears in the final scene at Marvin Acme's factory in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit".
In "House of Mouse", she helps Mickey run the nightclub.
She appears in all three "Kingdom Hearts" videogames as Queen of Disney Castle. There, she posses most of the magical powers usually associated with Mickey.

                                                                 -11th April 2011-

CHAPTER TWO

This is a long overdue letter that I would have like to write this out since a very long time ago in the year of 2010 but I’d never make it and so for that I am sorry. In fact, a lot of what I want to say in this letter is about apologizing. I never made a conscious choice to hurt you. And yet I have – in so many different ways. Strangely enough, my motivation for doing most of the abusive stuff I did to you was about trying to make me – us – feel better.

I struggled for days, weeks, months, desperately trying to be the legs on which my past tottering relationship was balancing. But, eventually, everything toppled over and all I could do was just stand staring, overcome with shock and anguish, yet too exhausted to pick up the pieces. This will be probably taken me back to 365 days x 2 ago.

I could have blamed it on Him. He had betrayed my trust one too many times. He was too selfish and immature. Perhaps, me too. Or I could have blamed it on myself. I was too naïve, too committed and overprotective.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my situation was strangely similar to the game where I stack narrow blocks of wood on top of one another in rows of three. Everything started out solid and sturdy, but as the months progressed, pieces of the whole were withdrawn until the shaky structure crumbled to the ground in a heap of hurt feelings, angry tears and painful memories.

This was all cause by selfish – betrayed ……..and lies.

These days ended haunted my mind for months. I thought I could read every look on his face, but those betraying days, he wore an expression completely unfamiliar to me. They were all lies. Deep inside I knew what was going on.

Silent tears began to flood my eyes. I brushed one by one by them - every single of them with fingers. I remember walking down the road in rain with my outcast arms that hung in the frozen air, empty and bare without a soul to reach out to. There weren’t any strong arms to hold me, and there wasn’t a soothing voice to subdue my pain.

Without a single word.

Alexander Graham Bell once said, “When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully on the closed door that we don’t see the one that has opened for us.”

It took me months to avert my eyes from the door that had been slammed in my face. I stood looking through the keyhole at a person living his own life. A life that didn’t involve me.

I banged on the door. I kicked and screamed till I was dizzy, but all I could do was stand outside, looking in.

One day, I began to realize that in the midst of all my pain, I had neglected everything that was once important to me. I found myself standing there friendless, everything seems completely shoved away – my smile, courage and faith – the happy and optimistic me with my several months of my youth wasted on a foolish - idiot, teenage boy.

A wave of relaxation washed over me and I knew then that I was going to be who I am and rely on no one but myself for the sake of my own happiness. I was going to let go the past mistakes and start all over again. Year ago, I had slowly and at last successfully put down the huge and heavy stone that I had carried on my shoulders before.

I today am without any burden, without any stress – free-load !

From as far as I remember, I never felt completely normal, or at least what I thought was normal. I would look at other girls and they just seemed better, smarter and basically more together. I realize now that we all struggle and probably all feel like everyone else is more blessed with something that we didn’t get.

I am sorry for the way I have treated you. I am sorry for the things I have said and for complete lack of faith I have had in you at times. I apologize for not regarding you in the way you deserve and most of all for not placing your needs above all others. I have looked everywhere but to you for the love I need. I have done things and acted shameful, all in the name of earning someone else’s love, when all time there you were just waiting for me to look inward.

I know you know that our journey will be a long one and it will be far from easy. I am afraid that I will fail again, and there is a voice that speaks loudly in my head warning me to not even try; that I am only asking for disappointment.

But you deserve a hundred more attempts at getting it right.

I know, as you do, that the journey will be filled with the steps forward, followed by steps back. But that is okay. Each day I will wake up with a renewed effort and a humble prayer for the guidance I need to get back to you and to the spirit that is truly me.

I know you forgive me and I am so grateful for that. Today is a new day and with your love and support, I will take those small, but very important, steps forward.

I would begin to live my own life no matter who decided to slam their door in my face. Relationships are always collapsing, but only the strong one can pick up the pieces and rebuild their lives using their experiences as footholds the next time around.

I really do love you,
Me

-Andrea, 10th April 2011-

CHAPTER ONE

FORGIVE MYSELF

We seldom think about forgiving ourselves, but it is an important step in loving ourselves.

I’ve probably aren’t aware that there are things I haven’t forgiven myself for, but if I think clearly about it, I might find that there are. Right now there are probably a couple of things that I feel guilty, ashamed, or angry at myself about.

So, how do I go about forgiving myself ?

Basically the same way I forgive someone else. Start by getting in touch with what it is I’m feeling bad about. I’ve try to understand why I did, what I did and what my intentions were. More often than not, I’ve find that my intentions weren’t bad; I just made a mistake or used poor judgment.

In another meaning, if I have done something that endangered my well-being or the well-being of others, it is still important to forgive myself. Forgiveness is not the same as saying it was okay to do something I now know was wrong! I am not condoning my behavior or just simply forgiving myself for the poor judgment that led me to do it.

I’ve try to learn something from my mistake, allow myself to feel the pain it caused, and decide not to do it again.

Once I’ve gone through the process of forgiving myself, then it is time to move on.

Quote of the day; “It is in the forgiveness of our mistakes that we are healed of them.” – Marianne Williamson

                                                          -Andrea,10th April 2011-

INTRODUCTION PART IV

But what I would like to mention here was a new friend of mine in that new place. Her name is Jackie Tan. A girl whom sat next two tables from me. She is a Korean mix Chinese girl. For me, she is the only one who would stay beside me and listen to every problem of mine. She would also give suggestion and opinion in whatever I’ve faced. After I left the Convent, I’ve lost my best friend and now here in that new place, I don’t have any yet. Jackie wasn’t my very best buddy, but I’ve already considered her as one. Jackie, thank you! I wish you all the best in your future studies, career and life. I also hope that we could be best friends and we would always keep in touch till forever. A song entitled, “Lean On Me” would suits the best for this part.

So that’s it! This is me swallowing the past as I glance back for awhile. I go back to those younger days all the time. I could not do anything to change any single part of my memories. What I could do is just say thank you for every character in my past in playing their parts and sorry for everything that did not happen and I also felt sorry for the one who is always there waiting to just watch me while I fell down into pieces because your wish never comes true! I’m telling you right now, I’m just feeling extremely fine. You would never had chance to watch me in sorrow anymore.
These two years, I have pretty much lost myself, I have lost a lot of my confidence and memories to be hold. But today, now, I’ve get over myself, settle down everything and rise again to start over a brand new life. There is always the sun in the next day. There is always the mountain for me to climb.

Quick Intro :
The title of my blog : MY WAY – The Climb
Written by : Andrea a.k.a. JingWen
Label used by writer : Isabella
[ http://princessandrea-myway.blogspot.com ]

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INTRODUCTION PART III

        At my age of sixteen, I’ve transferred to a new place, new school, new friends, new surrounding and a new rented place that I called my second home because my parents get promoted and they have to go to other state for their duties. The month before it, after I knew I had no choice but to follow my parents, I’ve always cried and depressed. I don’t want leave my hometown, my new room, and my friends! I would not get used to it! I would never! But I have no choice.

And so, I get to that new place. At first, I thought I would not like it at all, but slowly, I made up my mind. I should learn to like it thus to adapt to it and because I don’t have a choice, I have to stay strong so that I would be a happier.

   My love status at the moment was being a broken-hearted person. I believe in fate so I have not much comment about it. Perhaps he was not the right guy for me so I had accepted the fate and got over him. If I had to be brokenhearted 100times to meet my Mr.Right, I would accept it and go beyond my line. Brokenhearted means a step nearer to the true love. I’ve learnt many lessons through it and it made me a more optimistic person and I will take precautions in my incoming relationship.

   In the other side, I’ve seen many kind of people and varies kind of attitude. What friends meant to me? Not all, but just certain of them were just putting on their mask, laugh and talk to you, but behind you, they’re actually back-stabbing you. True friend is hard to find. This had been proved when something happens to you. No one will offer a helping hand. They just stand and stare at you – watch you fall and even some of them laugh at you when you’ve failed. But thank you! Without them, the life is unbalanced. A normal human being needs positive and negative sides and values to grow maturely. What they’ve done to me would not weaken me, but just going to make me stronger!

I had gone through hard times. No one would ever understand how it feels like. Lots of people knew me but I don’t have much friends that I’ve talked to. What I did every day was going to school, sat there, wait the bell rang and went home. I could even listen to my own heartbeats, yet the place was really crowded and noisy. Every morning I stepped into the school, I was actually putting on a mask of mine link with a smiling face. I bet nobody would ever realize that I am not that happy actually. I don’t know if it was my problem in making friends and communicate with them or was it that they were walking away from me.

_to be continued_