Today I woke up early, about 7something.
Yesterday I slept with mummy in the same room, so this morning she woke me up. We went for breakfast and morning market together.
I know she likes very much I accompany her to the town. I do enjoy the time we spent together so much, even though just watch tv together. I’m sure she do enjoy too.
I bet, both of us would really miss the moment that we spend together after I go for college.
Today things thoroughly went quite fine. Unexpectedly, Mickey came to meet me very early today. Earlier than ever. He called me and told that he had finished his work.
Least than 8minutes, He arrived.
The first thing I saw was the smile on His face. Each and every time is that bright and would actually makes me happy too.
Guess what ? I actually miss Him.
The first thing that came to my mind when I opened up my eyes was Him.
I straight away woke and grabbed my phone – checked if He leave me any message.
He is an active guy – I would say. He does give me surprise every time we be together. I didn’t realize any of them before the actions.
I feel comfortably secure when He hold me in His arms. – lying on Him is the greatest thing ever.
Honestly, I get so upset every time when we hang out in public. It seems as He scare what people around us would think and say when see us dating. I thought everything would be just normal and ordinary – just like other couples dating each other.
Maybe He was not that ready yet. But I do really feel the awkward and the “cold” feeling between us. I asked Him if He does care what other people might think about us dating. Disappointedly, He answered a Yes for that.
I do have expected it when I refer the question to Him.
When we went for the movie, my tears do really about to come out. I kept and control them very well. Tears just almost but didn’t rolled down at my cheeks.
Even we sat next to each other, He just didn’t dare. He makes me feel like we are just two friends went for movie. Sometimes I will asked myself, “Why He is so scare, mind and care what others might think or say about us?!!”
This question pop out in my head times after times. I almost cry every time I thought of it.
There were three couples sat in the row in front of us. I saw the boy was very close to the girl. Each couple of them did so. Why there’s a line between He and me……
He is the first guy that I ever have a proper date with. But why I felt down and disappointed ?
I did not ask for hold hands or what so ever dating manners. I just want He does something to show that He cares me. I could feel with my sixth sense very well if He does. But He did not. I am very sure.
When I kept silent, He asked me why. He knew what’s in my mind. He just doesn’t go for it.
I felt so sorry I can’t be the girl that He would feel proud to date with in the public.
I am just an ordinary girl.
But what He wants is a perfect girl – mature, beautiful, pretty with fair skin, the attitude type. I don’t know if I do have all that He wants.
What I know, I do have a 100% heart that beats every seconds, every minutes, when loving Him.
Before this, I always thought that in love was something very sweet and happy.
But when I truly loving Him, I felt loving someone is a very tough thing to do in the entire world.
I change my attitude, my habit, I had turned into a very calm person. I’m no longer the little princess, the girl who will always want others to follow what she wants. Either me, myself couldn’t believe that I would let Him rule me. Loving Him sometimes ache me. It hurts deep inside my heart.
But in the bottom of my broken heart, I do feel the happiness loving Him. It is always that sweet. He is indeed very sweet too.
Two more weeks will be the fourth month we be together. Nowadays, we no longer chat that much like before. I know I can’t be selfish. Both of us have our things to do. Even not me, is Him.
When He is not with me, I feel so unsecure. I’m so scared of being alone without Him. I become anxious – worried.
But till now I hope………….
Maybe we need just a little more time, time that can heals what’s been on your mind,
we can find what we’ve lost before all that slips away, we need time to mend from the mistakes we made.
God only knows what my heart can survive, so many tears from all the pain in my life, and where else we can go after that we’ve been through, I still believe my life is right here with you,
so just hold on………until it won’t take long. I hope you can learn to love me that the pain is gone. Don’t wanna still fall through the crack of my broken heart.
I still believe my life is right here with you.
From the youngest years to the moment here…………..the US now..
From the skies above, to the deepest love, I’ve never felt crazy like this before.
I hope to get the best of you.
Around the world, then I met you boy.
I don’t know, but I know it when I first met you.
Since you came into my life, the days before all fade to black and white, since you came to my life, everything has change.
The most important is I want you to be the first-rate of yourself, not letting others to be the first-rate of you and me.
It doesn’t matter what others might think and say. Just let them be. We didn’t do anything wrong. Yet, they don’t have right to judge us because we are who we are. From the very first day till now.
SERIOUSLY, I HOPE NEXT TIME YOU WON’T GIVE A DAMN OF WHAT THE PUBLIC MIGHT THINK! I
I hope this so much……it’s killing me now.
11.30pm – you called me, but I did not pick up.
Then I get your message, “When can I call you?”
I replied; “You need to do so? Or just you think I need to hear your voice so much as you guess I will miss you?”
I felt so upset, that makes me just wanna hold you and slap you; telling you what I think.
I’m tired of keeping to myself. Telling no one.
Yea! I just know cry when I’m sad. This is how I express myself.
You don’t like I cry. So, I won’t let you know I’m sad, I cry.
Because…………….you’ll never know – never understand…
What I will do is just hide in my room and cry…..or maybe cry till I fall asleep……or listening to my favorite love song and force myself not to cry.
I am not weak like you think.
I am very strong in front of the people around me, - Just weak when I’m facing you.
I become very weak, breathless.
And when I’m done, I settle down my own emotion, I’ll back to you.
I’ll talk to you….
But don’t misunderstand me, I’m a happier person then.
Not you make me sad, just me………..the problem is on me.
I take it too seriously.
I don’t wanna fool myself again.
I don’t wanna lose you.
The only thing that I always forget to tell you is…..and the thing
I hope you know is……….how much I appreciate you – how much I do adore you – how much I treasure you – how much I care every single word you say – the moment we spend together.
Every time when I’m sad or what so ever that I couldn’t tell you, I would write to myself here, in this Blog Spot. I feel fine now.
Do not hesitate, do not worry.
I’m totally fine. I’ve promise you to be a strong and brave one.
I wouldn’t cry….even though my heart is crying now.
As conclusion, I heal myself, I cure myself, I do endure it.
At least for tonight………………
What I want……………
What I hope………………
What I wish upon the moon and stars up the skies tonight…………………….
Is…….
You and Me, Just the Two of Us.
Goodnight. With lots of love – to my babe.
-Andrea,18th April 2011-
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