CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE♥

10th. of July 2012

Today was an ordinary day until boyF tear the new fragrance cover away and everything started.


I had no interest in flowers til I realized their pretty appearance and sweet smell can actually light up my day!
The new fragrance is tulip flower type. It smells really nice, attracts me so much. It is the pink type.

In the language of flowers, tulips have their own meaning and symbolism. In general the tulip flowers mean perfect love and a true, passionate lover. They means fame, passion and romance. And of course, tulip flowers are always associated with spring. Blooming in a multitude of colors, they are a vibrant, timeless symbol of spring.


I love yellow tulips.Yellow tulips, which earlier suggested hopeless love, has gone through a change of meaning. Today they represent cheerful thoughts and sunshine.

I hope boyF would plant me a pot of yellow tulips so that every morning when I wake up, I can see them. Hope He read this! haha....

I would like to apologize being silly, sad and mad at you for just the cover that you tore, babe.
You mean more than that to me.
I can't live a day without you.
I don't want to imagine my life without you.


Because you had been so wonderful to me, always!
And this is the very first time in my life that I actually feel safe with, besides family. 


I'm sorry for being so messed up because I'm so afraid of losing. 
I would always be by your side just like how you be by mine when I need you the most even though sometimes you might neglect some small, lil' things, but overall, you're being so sweet, so sincere, so responsible. 
You know what? I cross my heart for you♥

I plant Zinnia Giant Mix for you. Hope they will grow. :) 

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Today is Sunday - the end of the week or I suppose the beginning of a new,fresh week.
Whatever it says, it doesn't matter. All that matters is how you think of it to be.

It was almost 11 when I woke up in the morning. You know what? I felt like I'm too lazy, I hate work! honestly!
When I have no job, I'm dying to get one. But, when I do have one, I wish it would go away from my peaceful days.

Human is rather complicated.

It was so busy in the lunch time and I'd skipped my breakfast. Even delayed it until I get to have my very first meal at almost 3.40, caused gastric pain. Forget about it. It's just the other side of the day.

There's a movie entitled, "Girls" which just premiered on HBO., that I've recently download and I think maybe I should try to watch it as it was a new release after finishing up Gossip Girl season 5. Can't wait for season 6!!

Back to "Girls", in my opinion, after starting the first episode, I think the show has great potential. Based on the tone from this inaugural episode, I’m not sure the show would be able to remain compelling lasting longer than a miniseries because in life there must be change and there must be a progression of time.
The main theme focused in here is the transition from girl-hood to adulthood and the moment when that has to be fully embraced.

There's a part that I like it so much in episode 1 where,

"A : I'm going to find you a job worthy of your talents.
B : Well, I'll appreciate that. But I don't know how you're going to find a job fast enough. I'm going to have to work like at McDonald's.
A : You're not going to work at McDonald's!
C : What's wrong to work at McDonald's? It's great! It's fucking incredible. You know how many people McDonald's feeds every day? Do you know how many people it employs around the world? Plus, they make an incredible product, okay? It taste tremendous. It's affordable. It's fucking consistent. I can walk into a McDonald's in Nigeria, order chicken McNuggets. When I bite into, you know what it's going to taste like? It's going to taste like home!"

I could say nothing no more.
But there's something that inspire me in this movie.
"........it gives me the freedom that I don't have to be anyone's slave. You should never be anyone's fucking slave......."

Actually we are each other's slave. You are my slave, he is your slave, she is our slave and things keep going on.
Actually the world is small. We are all connected. So beware. *wink

Maybe I should watch more til I give more recaps or simply review on it next time.

True, again, I skip my shift today. Because I'm holly pissed.
I need a time-off. Like as what they used to said, 'I might be a voice of a generation, someday, somehow.'
Ahhhhhh........too literate!

I don't need a partime job for living.
I just need the feel of need to supplement myself sometimes. 
Living and building or maybe improve how I use to be, without needing help from my parents.
I do not envy those wealthy-look students driving expensive cars to college every day , because their parents are the wealthy ones.. They are nothing without family.
No offense. What I just want to point it out here is people who drive expensive car, have a lot of money and spend rich come all by the hard work that paid off would be mostly admirable!

I've become a use-money-wisely person lately.
What I've buried in my mind is to keep as much money as possible, keep it hot hot..
But.....I dying to have an I-Phone. Honestly.
Work hard and wait til it to be release....

-I believe hard works always worth to be paid-

 XO.XO  Andrea

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Hello upper east siders. Looks like I'm having trouble this morning.

Having a bad flu, about to recover. Early in the morning, rain pouring down so heavily.

At first, I'd expected to see nice sunrise but however, not everything turns out the way we wanted it to be.

It would be nice if I could continue to wrap myself inside the blanket when morning raining heavily. 

Looks like I had o choice , but to call taxi.

The driver told me that it might be traffic jam.

Oh gosh..Who doesn't know that ? 

I'd been stucked in the jam for almost 45minutes.

The driver keep playing songs about Jesus.

But, you see..Even he, himself cannot stand of being patience when met with trouble or put it simply in words, a challenge from God.

Guess what.. He keep scratching his head, leaning with his arm against the window and keep sigh sigh sigh non-stop.

Hello ?? Me, myself, didn't even sigh for once. Weird. I felt I've never been so calm like this before if I've been put in the exact situation.

I keep looking at my watch and keep on estimating the time to reach..The time is running out ! Oh dear..

As expected, I'm late for my exam. Poor me! :(

I'm late for almost 15minutes into the 300E room !!

First time ever in my history I'm late!

Everything has it's first time , well !

Glad that it's over for now.

I felt relieved for awhile, I guess!

I threw myself on my lovely bed after having lunch.

It was the best feeling ever ever !!

I suppose that I would only have a short nap and continue to catch up with gossip girl, but.........

when I was awake, it's already 4pm ! 

The laziness started to indulge all over me! plus I felt my running nose....

So, I plan not to work today, take one day more nice break, locking up myself in the apartment! Yay!!

But rest assured when I’m back I’ll be better than ever.

There's one thing that inspire me so much when this going to the beach thing came to my head.

Realized. I've never had a proper beach-day-out before. Planning of having one! 

First thing that comes when talking about beach is...........of course bikini girls besides hot weather !

If I'm Victoria's Secret angels like Adriana and Karolina, nothing can stop me from looking perfectly fabulous, not even a white bikini that's hard to pull off for us mortal girls !

 But I like Miranda's body. Looks fab ! 

I bet beach-day-out would be certainly fun. AHHHHHH........

Something about Scorpio for this June. 

Soothe your soul : Friends may mean well but let them get too overbearing and dynamics will change. Be your gorgeous and creative self and people will love just the way you are. 

Love : Your sentimental mood will heighten romance and getting swept off your feet will be fun! Keep your love strong , listen to your head.

Career : Focus on your work and not on the dramas around you, success will come easily.

Today is first of June. That means tonight twelve sharp, it's me and baby's 17th. monthsary !

I've done a stupid thing just now but I guess my baby gonna like it !

Surprise*Surprise* 

Greatly recommend "Day to Day" from the The Ting Tings album. This UK duo cornered the quirky and sassy market in their albums.

I like the part >> 

Because everyday when you mean it
Respect it
Put it out deglect it
Talking trhew a face it
Tear it up
Replace it
Win some
Lose some
Find out we use some
Bandles and have fun some in you and counting on

 That's it for now! X.O.X.O Andrea

CHAPTER TWENTY

-A Fresh Start-

Welcome blog. Once again..after that since the last post..Well.. I wasn't know what to write about..Any comment what to write ? 

 So, roughly start then.....

It's the exam months for me to end up my A-Level. 

However, last week, I get a call from a lady, now is my boss.

I get to the interview thing and started the job.

Mummy was so anxious and worry if I can study and work in the same time.

Family! Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. 

 But just remember: blood is thicker than water.

But..as wish....What I had planned gone well until now.. 

So, hopefully this will last and even improved :)

Talking about the job, it's a "Seafood" restaurant again.

Thinking back, I thought I swore to myself that I would never ever work in that kinda place anymore.

It's freaking me out.. Effing* tired!

What I'm thinking ? I also don't know.

I've learn new things tho.

Going to a new place, without knowing the history, without clearly tasting ALL the food, I'm actually asked to introduce and recommend food to the customers. SWT!

I feel bad, I had to admit.

Pointing pictures in menu and telling them they are super delicious, telling them that they will regret for not trying. (blow-water)

What to do.....boss asked me to do so..my job..my responsibilities..

No problem until now..

Just that some customers seem like doesn't speak mandarin or english, so what?

Then start to belasah 'hokkien' with them then... *BiLingBaLang$%^*#*

I remembered past few days there came one aunty said "Don't talk chinese to me, I don't understand one."

I so wanna ask back her right to her face, "Didn't you hear I'm talking English to you?!" Wtf-

And then she talked hokkien to her son. Please la..So arrogant, act elegant ! 

Put all your money on the table, I salute you then! 

Action speaks louder than words! 

However, roughly, I've met new friends, new competitors, and learn new things.

Forward to have and see more !

As I posted in my facebook today, how to encourage people to read your blog ?

Nobody is reading, No followers, No likes, no comment either. Poor me :(

I hope there's people out there who is willing to read my boring blogs and  send in your tips for what I should write about and I’ll be sure to post them.

Therefore, I can improve my blogs. 

There is a Contract Law exam tomorrow.

Hope I will be doing it well !

Recently, I'd listen to 'On the Radio' by Regina Spektor. 

The lyrics is meaningful. 

There's a part of it that never leave my head. and the lyrics keep repeating on and on. 

 "No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"

I'm locked up in the apartment with books, social networks and flu.

At least with Jason Derulo's songs. 

Thanks God !

I never felt I'm connected or socially active.

That's why I always said that my boyfriend is my best friend.

Seems like everyone is either walking away or didn't talk to me except for Him.

I always asked him if is it my problem that I felt dull.

He always answer "Oh no..Not your fault at all..It's because you're too silent that makes you hideous and people think you're arrogant. I'm with you. That all matters, didn't it ?" 

Maybe I should start to think out of the box in this matter.

Perhaps to grave the feeling of no matter how noisy is the place I'm in, I still felt alone.

If there is still no any good in it, I think I will post to find a soul as my friend.

Nothing comes easy, I see.

But, honestly, I'm frustrated of talking to people, I don't know who should I trust, which is false, because everytime I try to make one, turn out, they back-stabbed me, turned their back on me.

So, I rather being alone. Let the lyrics take their places to replace what I need to express.

Guess what, I knew those who view me on facebook.

I just hide it to poke back.

Because there is no point when I'm not ready.

It sounds like Eyy NaNa.... I don't give a damn ..but thank you for letting me to be in the center of your world!

As I always said..well..

I have never regarded myself as this or that. I have been too busy being myself to bother about regarding myself.  I take a lot of pride in being myself. but I'm comfortable with who I am.

This is how thursday night goes by~ 

Goodnight :)

Stay tuned to the next~      X.O.X.O Andrea 

 

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Today is a holiday,
I stay at home - rest .

The most "special" thing when I'm at home is ..................
Guess what ?

I don't need to put on alarm :/
Yes! You are right.
Ma mum is the natural-alarm- no snooze-nothing .
Accurate & sensible !

It was about 10.30+ + ,
but
I still feel wanna sleep :O
Have to wake up no matter what,
Kalau tak,
 nanti mummy merajuk ehh ~


She bought me "roti canai" as breakfast.
Thank you , Mummy!
I have longed to eat it too actually ! haahha

One of the most delicious food on Earth ~

I have this with a glass of plain water.
I wished I could get "mamak teh-tarik" right now.
It woud be super-good !

Then, I'd tried to do some revision on Economics
not because of I'm hardworking,
but BECAUSE................
the trial exam is just around the corner ! oppss!!

Actually, I've set a goal to be made,
Just not sure I could or not to make it to the top ~
A very hard dedication and lots of struggle needed :(
but,
nothing comes easy, right ?

I'm doing revision on Chapter6 (Inflation).
Though I'm studing UK and other countries' inflation.

However, I would like to share with you guys about the Malaysia Inflation Rate as well.
From 2005 until 2010, the average inflation rate in Malaysia was 2.77% reaching an historical high of 8.50% in July of 2008 and a record low of -2.40% in July of 2009.

The latest update was >>The inflation rate in Malaysia was last reported at 3.1% in July of 2011.

Inflation rate refers to a general rise in prices measured against a standard level of purchasing power. The most well known measures of Inflation are the CPI which measures consumer prices, and the GDP deflator, which measures inflation in the whole of the domestic economy. 

The impact is about 3/5 stars rating.

 For more updates, check back the latest inflation rate which will be release at September21st~


Stop here for the inflation rate til the incoming update ~

It will be 3days more so I can meet my HIM.
For the worst thing I've ever said and repeated again&again was 
I do miss CCK♥

It was so so not normal to be without HIM by myside.
But, it's okay ~
as HE promised me to send me at least a picture everyday. 
Such a good good good "Cessar" :)
Please, I'm not that kinda human-magnet that always stick to boyfriend kay!
I'm just being caring ^^
And......."Cessar" don't angry me kay? for posting this out.

Byhere, hope that HE is fine. (happy+healthy+fatty)

While blogging, 
I'm waiting for my Lunch!! Hungry**


Let me intoduce my simple X delicious
Lunch's Yummy Menu >> No.1 Ayamas Black Pepper Crispy Fried Chicken !!

The breading is coated with premium quality black pepper corns and premium quality chicken meat is well marinated with world famous black pepper corns from Sarawak. Contains no preservatives, Trans fat or MSG. It gives an authentic peppery flavor and will spice up your palate.

This is how the packaging looks like.

850 gm

RM 11.99 

See..crispy....krunch*krunch**

>> No.2 Sambal Kerang Mak Soon 

(ignore the name-cuz' especially created due to ma mum's dish)

 I would like to share its recipe (just 5simple steps) with you guys but in malay version cuz' it would be easier for me to explain.. Sorry :) 

Resipi Sambal Kerang

Bahan-bahan ( 2-3orang)

• 1 mangkuk kerang yang telah direbus dan buang kulitnya
• 1/2 biji bawang besar dikisar
• 3 ulas bawang putih dikisar
• sedikit belacan
• sedikit air asam jawa
• 3 sudu besar sos tomato
• 1/2 biji bawang besar dimayang
• 2 sudu besar cili giling
• garam dan gula secukupnya
• sedikit minyak untuk tumis

Cara-cara

1. tumis bawang putih dan bawang besar yang dikisar sampai wangi.
2. masukkan cili giling dan belacan
3. masukkan air asam jawa, sos tomato, garam dan gula.
4. masak sampai kuah agak likat dan masukkan kerang serta bawang yang dimayang.
5. biarkan seketika sampai bawang layu.. sedap dimakan bersama nasi atau nasi lemak 

>> No.3 Fresh Cucumber 

Fresh cucumber with some sliced onions &other ingredients (not so like it)

Hmmm....what should I say ...
Well, although just a few dishes, and although they are simple,
But they are really easy to prepare and nice to eat too XD (self-compliment).


Dinner time; we are so lazy to go out to dine and were terribly head-ache of what to eat,
so, mummy cook again. (simpleXyummy)
Dinner Menu : >> Sardine Fish 

Eat sardine MUST choose Ayam Brand !!

This is how it looks like :)

>> Another species of lala (don't know the exact name)

>>vegetable same like cucumber, but not cucumber

That's all for dinner ~
Suddenly, I feel so inspirational of telling myself
"When I feel like giving up,I  remember why I held on for so long in the first place"

 (It is all about my goals & mission)

That's all for today ~ 

But before I go, I would like to say; "I miss my CK"..

Hope He read this :P

_stay tuned til the next update_

-Andrea, 31st.August 2011-

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Hi, it has been such a long time I didn't blog due laziness :S

Well, today is a very special day >>Hari Merdeka (54th)

So, I would like to wish every Malaysian citizen "Selamat Hari Merdeka" !!
I'm proud to be Malaysian :)

After over five decades of independence, what does that very word, MERDEKA, mean to us, the young people ?

What does Merdeka mean to you?
What do you feel when you hear the word, 'Merdeka'?
Does "freedom" ring in the same sentence?
Do you find a frisson of joy at having able to celebrate 54 years of peace, independence and unity?

All this while ,
Being almost 18,
Merdeka simply means to me that we have achieved independence and freedom from a foreign power.
It must have been such a long way for the past "wira bangsa" to fight and protect against enemies and thus, bring this on til today.

Merdeka has a significant meaning in my life.
It is not only what content in the history we study in textbooks in past few years.
Sadly, not much of us, young people appreciate or even aware what is the true meaning behind all this while - MERDEKA.
What does young people today know is just to admire other countries' well-being , and stepped on own country's part.

The word Merdeka holds not only the memory of freedom for our country, but it reminds us of our roots, of our ability to be united and harmonious.

The most important is NOT to be racist.
No matter what races, religion, ethics, languages spoken and skin color,
WE should stand together as a whole - 1 Malaysia.

But, however, Merdeka, sadly, has recently lost its meaning for me. It's unfortunate that I now view it as a kind of holiday, to distress or to relax. Perhaps the reason is the big 'HOORAY' that has been made of it had disappear.

When I'm lil,
it was an excited thing when MERDEKA day came,
I used to countdown a night before and waited in front of the TV ,
Just to see the news popping out.

In school, we used to celebrate this day to the full.
We sang so many patriotic songs,
waved the flags here and there,
wore "Jalur Gemilang"'s shirt,caps,
made our own badge, and
the one
I remembered the most
was decorate the class.

SUPER-AWESOME !!

I wouldn't go back to the past to sing patriotic songs at school with friends anymore.
What I can do is,
bathroom-K-ok :P

MERDEKA!!


_stay tuned til the next blog_

-Andrea, 31st.August 2011-

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Today I wake up quite early at 6.30am
I went for the Psychology and Economics class..

Then I met Bii at the mall :)
*the most happiest moment

Suddenly...........
turns sorrow

He was not happy with the lunch I think - Hainan Chicken Rice
Suddenly, I felt He doesn't care about me
He walked across the road, walked so fast,
without looking back,
where I am
But I still following Him from the back
coz' I know
I have to be with Him
always
no matter what

I've cried after realize that when I walked away from Him
telling Him that I'm done with Him
I can't stand anymore
turned the other way round

I felt so uneasy
I just need Him by my side
no matter what

In the evening, like what we promised
we met at jetty
He walked me to the waiting side of the ferry
I know I will felt hard to say goodbye there

but I have to
at the last..

He was so caring,so loving
Just my perfect CheeKian
We gonna meet after 2days more

Countdown--Countdown

Today I've came across a beautiful girl's blog
She is really pretty :)
Sigh.........
I wish that in future I will be pretty too

Can I?
I like those fair skin,
soft & smooth hair,
small and kissable lips,
thick eyebrows,
beautiful and seducing eyes
so so so so............
PRETTY

I'm wondering,
What do Bii think about me
Does He think that I'm kind, pretty , ugly or smart or
how..
But he never say anything

Deep in my heart
I know I should make a change,
a make-over
But how
I don't know

I just know
that everything will come as the time comes

See ya til the next blog :)

CHAPTER SIXTHTEEN

Today is an ordinary day.
But I do feel uneasy today...
Just when I called Him, He did not answer my call.
I’m so anxious, worried.
Am I over care about Him?
Sometimes I might think I’m doing something over than it should be.
Things don’t always turn up the way we want it to be.
Or in another way – the more we give, the more we might get disappoint.
I think it is human nature.
I think I should learn to love myself more, thus to protect myself.
What will be will be, right?
I get a nap-mare today.
The scenes were so scary.
I just don’t wanna get through it, I hope.
What will be, will be.
With no doubt and realization,
We have shared >>
139days, 3336hours, 200160minutes, 12009600seconds.
TOGETHER…….
We together is a blessed fate.
Honestly, I hope to grow old with Him. 


-Andrea,19th May 2011-

CHAPTER FIFTHTEEN

-The 5th day of college life-

Everything started to be changing at the first step of mine to this new place in Penang island
to a place that seems quite familiar to me,
but now
it get more and more close to me
On the last 12th June, Sun,
I move into the college's hostel
Before this,
I always wondering how is it like to live outside,
on my own,
living my own live,
perhaps to have more and more freedom..
However,
when the day came,
I felt I started to regret that I wanted it so much before this

Honestly,
I started to miss home,
Daddy,
Mummy,
Brother,
My bed,
Mummy's cook,
and
lots
lots things that I used to do before when I'm used to be at home

The course orientation started very awkwardly,
seriously to say
I'm quite shy and scared
However, I did pushed myself to go through it
because as mummy said,
No one knows me there,
I have to change my character.
to be more talkative, initiative, good for sure..

I don't know much..
I don't like to have so much pressure here..
I prefer it to be more light, relax and fun
well....college life, isn't it?

Time passes very fast,
today is Friday,
perfectly close to weekend
I'm going home later
to visit my family
as the first reason :)
I feel truly happy
the first feeling I felt
the day I'm waiting for..

Home Sweet Home

_Andrea_ Friday,17thJune2011

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

It has been awhile I didn't update the blog.
I've been so much in these days,
Life is so tough,
I feel like wanna run away from everything and stay in a deserted place..

Maybe that would make me more better,
but.........
there's something behind - deep inside my heart that I am holding on.
Too much..

Am I in relationship ?
Or am I just a burden for Him?
Why He always complain about me?

Am I not good enough ?
He never praise me, even a word....

I used to be confident in front most of people, but
in front of Him, I lose it..
I become timid,
I feel so small,
so timid..
The feeling is not that good at all..

Today we argue because of past things..

I'm just like, Oh God, How long could I keep holding on being like this ?
Being untrusted..
Struggle alone..
Suddenly I feel so empty inside!

I wanna let Him to know, I need Him..
I don't wanna waste my time, I want Him to be my Mr.Right..

I wanna tell Him what's in my mind, before it's too late

_to be continued_

-Andrea, 12th May 2011-

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Countdown 0Day

Weehee..today We met..
went for a date..
not bad I could said, but we did argue :(
But it's okay..at least we can be together,
it would be more than enough.

Life ain't always come the way we want it to be

-Andrea, 29th April 2011-

CHAPTER TWELVE

Countdown 5Days

I was on the phone with Mickey like we used to be..
But,
The different was -
Already TWO days, He asked me to sing Him a song..
Just a simple one..
But, I'm too shy =(
He was so upset.. That even a simple task like that, I can't fulfil Him..
The first song I sang was "My Heart Will Take You Home"..
He like it!

Today, as what I promised Him;
I will sing Him one =)
I am so nervous right now..
I hope He won't laugh me.......

_to-be-continued_

-Andrea,24th April 2011-

CHAPTER ELEVEN

COUNTDOWN 10DAYS

Everything going quite well today..

But there's something bothering my mind..
I get nightmare again..
The second time~

Today I feel kind of tired..
I'm started to feel tired of faking smile but deep in the bottom of my heart, I'm crying..

I keep telling myself to be strong..
Mickey want me to be so....
But I'm doing really hard...........
I already trying my very best..
Do He knows ?

I'm used to be a very strong and tough one, but when I'm facing Mickey, I started to become weak~

I tell myself not to be so..I want His attention, although He's not that every time..
I'm changing, improving my attitude..
I'm no longer that little princess..
I want to be the CHONG CHEE KIAN's "little woman" !!

I will be.....

I know It's not gonna be easy!
It's going to be really hard..
We gonna have to work at this every day but I want to do that because I want you, babe!
I want all of you everyday, forever..
You & Me every day
Just Us Two .......

Babe, 我任不住了。。
我很想哭。。
是我太依赖你了。。

Every time the stronger I wanna be, the more empty my heart will be..
I need you understand me..I want you care me more..
I need your attention..

But I can't be selfish..
So, I end up this way,
locking myself this way..

I rather sad myself than to burden you..
I know you don't like to be stress or burden..
So, I should sacrifice, I'll be more independent..

But I hope ..
I beg....If one day I can't take it anymore and cry,
Hope you won't angry me..

I want you to be happy, then, it's worth..
Everything is worth..

And again I want to tell you so much that I miss you!!
But I didn't tell you in the phone,
coz I scared you will bored..
I didn't do so..
I'm really down..
I didn't tell..
I will get over it myself
Don't worry me
But it's really killing me!

I wish you would speak before I did..

Even though sometimes I know you miss me,
but i NEED you to say it to me
I need to hear it
It would make me more happy and concern
Really.....It would.

Give me some time....
I truly love you..
Just You..

That's all for today..

Goodnight, Mickey..
From the _SadMinnie_

-Andrea, 20th April 2011-

CHAPTER TEN

COUNTDOWN 11DAYS

Nothing much today..
Went for car driving lesson.. -Perfectly well-

I be with Him for about 107days already..
Sometimes I really hope He would be more sensible..
or it's me being too sensitive ?

I hope He could know that I do really miss Him..
I wish to tell Him this every time..
But I insist not to~

I miss Chong Chee Kian 107days today..
It's killing me..
Liking someone is so tough~

That's it for now..

Goodnight, Babe~

-Andrea,19th April 2011-

CHAPTER NINE

Countdown 12Days
Today things went quite well.

No idea what to write.

Mickey is good too today =)

Thought of wanna dedicate this song to Him ..

梁静茹 - 暖暖

都可以随便的
你说的我都愿意去
小火车摆动的旋律

都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你

细腻的喜欢
毛毯般的厚重感
晒过太阳熟悉的安全感
分享的汤

我们两支汤匙一个碗
左心房暖暖的好保暖
我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
真心的对我好
不要求回报
爱一个人希望他过更好
打从心里暖暖的
你比自己更重要

都可以随便的
你说的我都愿意去
回忆里满足的旋律

都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你
细腻的喜欢
你手掌的厚实感
什么困难都觉得有希望
我哼着歌
你自然的就接下一段
我知道暖暖就在胸膛
我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
真心的对我好
不要求回报
爱一个人希望他过更好
打从心里暖暖的
你比自己更重要

我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
从来都很低调
自信心不高
爱一个人希望他过更好
打从心里暖暖的
你比自己更重要
我想说其实你很好
你自己却不知道
真心的对我好
不要求回报
爱一个人希望他过更好
打从心里暖暖的
你比自己更重要

我也希望变更好
lalalalala~~~~`



Actually not yet.. He scolded me..again I'm down.. =(
Forget it ~
Life is so tough sometimes...

CHAPTER EIGHT

Countdown From 13days

Today I woke up early, about 7something.

Yesterday I slept with mummy in the same room, so this morning she woke me up. We went for breakfast and morning market together.

I know she likes very much I accompany her to the town. I do enjoy the time we spent together so much, even though just watch tv together. I’m sure she do enjoy too.

I bet, both of us would really miss the moment that we spend together after I go for college.

Today things thoroughly went quite fine. Unexpectedly, Mickey came to meet me very early today. Earlier than ever. He called me and told that he had finished his work.

Least than 8minutes, He arrived.

The first thing I saw was the smile on His face. Each and every time is that bright and would actually makes me happy too.

Guess what ? I actually miss Him.

The first thing that came to my mind when I opened up my eyes was Him.

I straight away woke and grabbed my phone – checked if He leave me any message.

He is an active guy – I would say. He does give me surprise every time we be together. I didn’t realize any of them before the actions.

I feel comfortably secure when He hold me in His arms. – lying on Him is the greatest thing ever.
Honestly, I get so upset every time when we hang out in public. It seems as He scare what people around us would think and say when see us dating. I thought everything would be just normal and ordinary – just like other couples dating each other.
Maybe He was not that ready yet. But I do really feel the awkward and the “cold” feeling between us. I asked Him if He does care what other people might think about us dating. Disappointedly, He answered a Yes for that.
I do have expected it when I refer the question to Him.

When we went for the movie, my tears do really about to come out. I kept and control them very well. Tears just almost but didn’t rolled down at my cheeks.
Even we sat next to each other, He just didn’t dare. He makes me feel like we are just two friends went for movie. Sometimes I will asked myself, “Why He is so scare, mind and care what others might think or say about us?!!”
This question pop out in my head times after times. I almost cry every time I thought of it.
There were three couples sat in the row in front of us. I saw the boy was very close to the girl. Each couple of them did so. Why there’s a line between He and me……

He is the first guy that I ever have a proper date with. But why I felt down and disappointed ?
I did not ask for hold hands or what so ever dating manners. I just want He does something to show that He cares me. I could feel with my sixth sense very well if He does. But He did not. I am very sure.
When I kept silent, He asked me why. He knew what’s in my mind. He just doesn’t go for it.
I felt so sorry I can’t be the girl that He would feel proud to date with in the public.
I am just an ordinary girl.

But what He wants is a perfect girl – mature, beautiful, pretty with fair skin, the attitude type. I don’t know if I do have all that He wants.
What I know, I do have a 100% heart that beats every seconds, every minutes, when loving Him.
Before this, I always thought that in love was something very sweet and happy.
But when I truly loving Him, I felt loving someone is a very tough thing to do in the entire world.

I change my attitude, my habit, I had turned into a very calm person. I’m no longer the little princess, the girl who will always want others to follow what she wants. Either me, myself couldn’t believe that I would let Him rule me. Loving Him sometimes ache me. It hurts deep inside my heart.

But in the bottom of my broken heart, I do feel the happiness loving Him. It is always that sweet. He is indeed very sweet too.

Two more weeks will be the fourth month we be together. Nowadays, we no longer chat that much like before. I know I can’t be selfish. Both of us have our things to do. Even not me, is Him.
When He is not with me, I feel so unsecure. I’m so scared of being alone without Him. I become anxious – worried.

But till now I hope………….

Maybe we need just a little more time, time that can heals what’s been on your mind,
we can find what we’ve lost before all that slips away, we need time to mend from the mistakes we made.
God only knows what my heart can survive, so many tears from all the pain in my life, and where else we can go after that we’ve been through, I still believe my life is right here with you,

so just hold on………until it won’t take long. I hope you can learn to love me that the pain is gone. Don’t wanna still fall through the crack of my broken heart.

I still believe my life is right here with you.

From the youngest years to the moment here…………..the US now..
From the skies above, to the deepest love, I’ve never felt crazy like this before.
I hope to get the best of you.

Around the world, then I met you boy.
I don’t know, but I know it when I first met you.
Since you came into my life, the days before all fade to black and white, since you came to my life, everything has change.

Boy, listen here! I would give you the very last chance that will be on our 6th month anniversary to figure this out and change. I want you to date me properly. For the very first time.
The most important is I want you to be the first-rate of yourself, not letting others to be the first-rate of you and me.

It doesn’t matter what others might think and say. Just let them be. We didn’t do anything wrong. Yet, they don’t have right to judge us because we are who we are. From the very first day till now.
SERIOUSLY, I HOPE NEXT TIME YOU WON’T GIVE A DAMN OF WHAT THE PUBLIC MIGHT THINK! I
I hope this so much……it’s killing me now.

11.30pm – you called me, but I did not pick up.
Then I get your message, “When can I call you?”
I replied; “You need to do so? Or just you think I need to hear your voice so much as you guess I will miss you?”

I felt so upset, that makes me just wanna hold you and slap you; telling you what I think.
I’m tired of keeping to myself. Telling no one.
Yea! I just know cry when I’m sad. This is how I express myself.
You don’t like I cry. So, I won’t let you know I’m sad, I cry.
Because…………….you’ll never know – never understand…
What I will do is just hide in my room and cry…..or maybe cry till I fall asleep……or listening to my favorite love song and force myself not to cry.
I am not weak like you think.
I am very strong in front of the people around me, - Just weak when I’m facing you.
I become very weak, breathless.

And when I’m done, I settle down my own emotion, I’ll back to you.
I’ll talk to you….
But don’t misunderstand me, I’m a happier person then.
Not you make me sad, just me………..the problem is on me.
I take it too seriously.
I don’t wanna fool myself again.
I don’t wanna lose you.
The only thing that I always forget to tell you is…..and the thing
I hope you know is……….how much I appreciate you – how much I do adore you – how much I treasure you – how much I care every single word you say – the moment we spend together.

Every time when I’m sad or what so ever that I couldn’t tell you, I would write to myself here, in this Blog Spot. I feel fine now.
Do not hesitate, do not worry.
I’m totally fine. I’ve promise you to be a strong and brave one.
I wouldn’t cry….even though my heart is crying now.

As conclusion, I heal myself, I cure myself, I do endure it.

At least for tonight………………

What I want……………
What I hope………………
What I wish upon the moon and stars up the skies tonight…………………….

Is…….

You and Me, Just the Two of Us.

Goodnight. With lots of love – to my babe.

-Andrea,18th April 2011-

CHAPTER SEVEN PART II

Inspiration

It’s so strange – life.

Why some people are born and do nothing but suffer their whole lives. Poverty, pain, whatever the case is. And some people grow up with a life of luxury. I don’t have a perfect life, but there’s nothing I would change.

I wish I could sit here and say I thank God every day for my blessings, but that would not be enough. I don’t thank God nearly enough.

When I think of people who are blind, I can’t imagine going a day without seeing the sun come in through my window, or not being able to look into people’s eyes when they speak.

And then when I think of people who are deaf, I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to not hear Chee Kian call me, or his sweet voice whispering, “Baby, I love you.”

I’m so very blessed and I think most of us tend to take our blessings for granted. Of course,
I wish some things were different.

I wish I could weigh a little less, be a tad bit prettier, and have the latest clothes and the hippest music.

I wish I could read people’s mind by looking at them.

I wish I could let Mummy hug me once in a while.

But unfortunately, we don’t always get what we wish for and I’m more than willing to settle for what I have.

Tonight, when I go to bed, I think I’ll let Daddy and Mummy hug me and I’ll tell them I love them. And I’ll try to go to bed a little earlier, so maybe I won’t be so tired.

And tomorrow, I’ll eat a little healthier, I’ll do my hair nice, take good care of my skin better and I’ll do every house chores on my own. I’ll listen to my favorite music and sing out loud

And I’ll look in the mirror and tell myself that I am beautiful. I’ll be more kind to others and to look in people’s eyes a little deeper than usual.

After all, I have only one life to live, so I better make it good. And about this whole inspiration thing, if life itself isn’t something to celebrate, I don’t know what is.

“This is Me, being grateful…”
-Andrea, 15th April 2011-

CHAPTER SEVEN PART I

Quote of the day;
“All of us are lying in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars.”– Oscar Wilde

BE GRATEFUL

It is very easy to get caught up in thinking about all the things I don’t have.
I wish for a romantic relationship.
I wish I am popular.
I wish I am lovely, adorable.
I wish that my parents would have buy me a car for my seventeenth birthday.

I waste an enormous amount of energy thinking about how much better things would be, if only.
If only I was taller. If only I was prettier, or thinner. If only my hair would grow longer. If only school was easier, or more fun, or nonexistent. If only I would have publish a book written by me, myself. If only I would be able to sing in from of thousands of audience. If only I would have enough money to explore the whole world. If only I would have a very close girl friend that I could hang out together with, shopping together, share our love stories, our problem.

But, I till now………..I never had any.

When I spend all of my time thinking about what I don’t have, I feel sad. When I spend time feeling grateful for the things I do have, I feel better.

It really is that simple. Gratitude is a natural antidepressant.

Sometimes when I am feeling down and a bit less than grateful, I will make a list, either in me head or on paper or even look myself in the mirror, of all the things I have to be thankful for. It takes only a few minutes, and it completely changes my mood.

Life treats me differently when I approach it from a grateful place. Starting and ending each day thinking about the things I am grateful for will improve my attitude and my life.

When a person thanks me for doing a favor for her, for helping her through a hard time, or for just being me, it makes me feel great. So when I am making my gratitude list, I’ll make sure my name is on it.

I’ll remember to be grateful for my abilities, for my personality, and most of all, I am grateful that I am who I am.

_to be continued_

-Andrea, 15th April 2011-

CHAPTER SIX

                        MY BABY – MY MICKEY

[On Previous Chapter]... And spiritual and passionate, warm and romantic …

And He is the kind of man that if I’m at the supermarket together with and I go off to get something and I lose Him… I get nervous and I start searching for Him in the aisles, until suddenly, right in the middle of the sea of trolleys, I see Him. And only Him. Because although He’s surrounded by lots of other men with their trolleys, it’s as if they simply don’t exist.

The Italians have a word for it, un colpo di fulmine. It just hits me and wham, thunderbolt city.

I’m certain that I’ve found the one. This is when I’ve bumped into my Mickey, it suddenly just feel so right.

More than a feeling ? It looks like there could finally be something wonderful between him and me. Sometimes I might think is it really worth risking everything for?

I really have no idea. I’ve never think of it.

But one thing for sure – as the radio plays its late-night love songs – there’s one girl here is about and already had find out that the best lines can sometimes be the ones I write myself………….

While still listening to the music, for a sudden, I trail off in my dreamy reverie. And quickly comes back down to earth. Yes. I miss Him right now. I am so desperate to tell Him how much I do miss Him every time when He phones me. The feeling is killing me. I insist not to tell Him about this because I know if do so, no matter how strong His feeling is, I’m afraid that one day He will feel bored and sense of care will reduce. So, I hope my decision not to tell would make a better us.

To be honest, I’m not sure what He’s like. I have no idea what my prince’s like. But, there’s one point that I’m really sure of - I’ll definitely know it’s Him when I meet Him.

I don’t know and I’ve never made any line or condition on how my prince would be. Or in another clear meaning – I’ve never thought of how my ideal soul mate will be.

To the one reading; and so will you, won’t you?

Now I thought of a song that suits this part – “Hello” by Lionel Ritchie.

And remember; ‘Don’t waste another minute as love waits for no one … ’

As listening to Lionel Ritchie’s velvety voice croons over the airwaves, I’m Wondering if you’re thinking of your beloved now while reading this,

Wondering how and what your soul mate’s like,

Wondering a young girl fall in love with a young boy - be together through every obstacles – married – have family and kids, and even surrounded by grandchildren,

Wondering if some middle-aged couple would gaze lovingly at each other, hug each other even tighter and

Wondering if some couple would grow old together, with till their hairs turn white but yet, holding hands walking together by the beach and spend the rest of their lives together.

Yet………….readers, are you there wondering what on earth that had possessed me to write all these in this chapter and share on what I think, imagine and feel to an audience of public that might view this BlogSpot and ask you to sort out my love life?

And here……………….I hope.

See ya till the next chapter to be updated.

                                                         -Andrea,14th. April 2011-

Quote of the day ; “ Sometimes even to live is an act of courage”-Seneca

CHAPTER FIVE

                                    PROLOGUE

It’s past midnight. Dark and drizzly. I used to listen to the midnight radio channel. As the music takes place, I loved to glance back and started to think and imagine – sometimes they were things that out of my based line and they were usually pop out in an abnormal way – on the perspective of others.

A situation strikes my mind. Here it comes across the length and breadth of the capital traffic-choked roads are eerily empty, thronging high streets and the shelter under bridges have turned into a lane for the homeless, and tucked snugly away in a million bedrooms, under a million duvet, millions of Malaysians are sleeping, snoring, dreaming.

Most, but not all.

In the other side of social world – the dark side, millions of people are socializing in the millions of nightclubs in the country. They are used to call as the “night-ghosts”. Tones of beers, lots of flirting cases, DJs play their parts, scratching the turntablis, entertaining the clubbers.  
A part of Malaysians, but not all.

Different people, different places, different lives. And one connection. A radio. An FM frequency. And the fact they’re all listening to the same show somehow.

The song entitled, “Cry on My Shoulder” is faded out as the DJ strikes up.

It seems as if I’ve had been doing pretty tough recently. Yes…sort of.. With sympathetic emotions, I started describe myself – to myself.

Well, I suppose I’m rather a strong one. I thought I had went through much tough times. Falling into pieces and then rise again after recovering, meeting lots of different and interesting people as I grew elder. I also learn to judge by myself what is wrong and what is right.

A part wistfully, part lovingly.

Honestly, at first, I had no confidence in looking for a special someone. Perhaps, I never thought that I would accept one in future. Unable to hide the disbelief in myself, I’m actually scared being in relationship. Love might be sweet, but it also might cause in broken-heart when the one you love hurts you.

However, meeting Mickey makes me an attempt to match my level of enthusiasm and then breaks off, dumping my phobia away.

That’s a relief because no one would believe the past one I had, it was a total disaster. It was actually making me not to mention about that nightmare anymore but as I think back again, it was kind of childish. It was just the most idiot thing I had ever done in my life.

Listening to the lonely hearts radio show makes me believe in destiny, in fate, in the miracle of the universe. I believe we have no control over love. Either it’s going to happen or it’s not...

Malaysian’s full of single people searching for that special someone.

That’s how I met Mickey. How should I describe Him – my soul mate?

Well, I don’t know until I’ve met Him, do I?

We both knew this unexpected one might have hurt or others would be rejected but we have no control over it. If we could make no one getting hurt, we would. I am always doing the best I can; if I could do better, I surely would. And when I can, I surely will.

Being with Mickey is not about to fix the broken heart of mine as I’ve really really totally recovered just before I be with Him.

Again... How should I describe Him ?

Okay, well let’s see... He is funny, and kind, faithful..

Of course..These are needed being all matey.
...and spiritual, passionate, warm, and romantic...

However, sometimes, He was not that sensible on certain things, for example how I might feel, what I will think, or how am I gonna react. But it’s okay because what comes sometimes doesn’t in the perfect package we want it to be.

Nobody is perfect.
                                   _to be continued_
                                                        -Andrea,13th April 2011-